1/16/23 - The Devil Conspiracy (2023) - 3-/10

This film made zero sense. Honestly, this felt like a Left Behind-esque fantasy film. Like they wanted an action film for a Christian audience, with an aesthetic that would jibe with such a production and a poking at sections of society that would fit right in. And yet, this film is much too vulgar and defiant to pass their smell test. It is a bit of a mess and lacks the real watch instigator: fun.

Plotwise, you might get on board (I did). Cult teams up with bioengineering cloners to get the Big J’s DNA off the Shroud of Turin, clone that god baby and put him in an American woman who happens to be there. This is all to provide a vessel for Lucifer/The Devil to utilize the superior Jesus baby bod to walk the Earth and rule the legions of Hell as a hoo-man. While that is happening, the Archangel Gabriel has possessed a dead priest body to use as a fighter conduit amongst the humans… Sure, this is all ridiculous, but I am down for such nonsense.

There are some intriguing moments here like:

The secret cloners are making clones of past important figures to sell to rich elites. There is a literal baby auction for Da Vinci.
Once implanted with Lil’ Jesus, the woman is taken by a goblin/troll/demon/rock man to a cage and lowered to the upper ring of hell (?) to have a smoke worm of Satan wriggle into her. I have no idea…
There is a devil statue that is looking for a baby mama and keeps turning to stare at our protagonist when she isn’t looking, like a Dr. Who episode.

Unfortunately, even these fun possibilities make little sense. The plot is slapdash and struggles to stay connected. None of the internal logic is laid out at all, while the story structure and editing left me constantly wondering what exactly was going on. The aims of anyone in the film are murky at best, even though it is a literal Good vs. Evil pantomime. So often bizarre things happen, characters of immense significance &/or power flit in and out without effect, or drastic film ending events occur to no resolution. It is a film that was too involved with if they could and never stopped to consider if they should.

When it was finally over, I had to ask myself: What REALLY just happened? Is this THE end? If so, what EXACTLY happened? It would almost feel like church propaganda if there weren't’ so many F bombs or a reliance on power outside the church. I would be ok with that and with the questions I am left with, if there had been more action and more excitement. Like the innocent people who are trapped in hell (which seems to be a thing they lay out here but never explain or come back to), I just felt unimpressed and unentertained.