1/3/2017 - Assassin’s Creed (2016) – 2/10

This is the most illogical film with the greatest leaps in scientific and plot logic I may have ever seen in a big budget “blockbuster”. What is the point of this uninteresting CGI action extravaganza?

Also, is there a more antithetical and ridiculous concept for and inside a film? We are going to use violence by violent people, watched over by violent people, to end violence. There is some magical unobtainium that has been here forever, hidden in history by a group of killers (?), from a religious order that explicitly doesn’t believe in religion? Free will=violence? Does having this apple or destroying it do something? EXPLAIN THIS CRAP, even if it is ridiculous!... This movie sucks!

Even the little things. Nobody uses guns, even though they are guarding the most skilled killers in the world (or something). But, they have crossbows. HA! I also love that they keep all the weapons on the spot, ready for use, BY THE ASSASSINS!

I adore (or direly despise!) the dues ex machinas of the machine malfunction and the “Assassins apparition”. Just mind-numbingly absurd.

And, OF COURSE, Jeremy Irons is in this. Of course… did Rampling, Cotillard, Fassbender and Gleeson just want paychecks?

Screw your Oppenheimer BS! I hate you filmmakers!

None of this works or makes sense, even for a bad video game adaptation. This is a waste of cinematic space.