4/11/19 - The Silence (2019) - 2+/10

This is the worst A Quiet Place coattail rider yet. The plot is so damn similar, but the results are so different, namely in the lack of excitement, ambiance, or poignant snare. This falls like a silent turd plopping out of the window. No pomp, no circumstance, and certainly no real caring as it smears its way down the screen. I suggest you quietly move along.

So, the premise here is that cave explorers break through into an undiscovered cave which unleashes a swarm of piranhas-with-wings Venom-looking-bat creatures that begin mass murders. Supposedly, they are so vicious and devastating that they are eating their way through entire cities and spreading out to every square inch of the US. Wait! You are telling me these things survived for thousands of years in empty cave systems with nothing to eat, but they have thrived enough to overtake us? Ugh. Whatever. Unlike A Quiet Place creatures or those from Pitch Black, these tiny turds with teeth don’t pack the punch necessary. The concept of them being heard, seen, and tracked but still overcoming the modern military and eradicating masses of humanity is the first hurdle of believability you have to jump over. Quite the mental gymnastics… Everyone knows they can’t see and attack sound; why not huge raging fires? Flamethrowers and armor? How about the aptly used wood chipper constantly running? Ward them off with too loud of noises? Nope. None of this? Just accept your fate and get eaten en masse? (audible eye roll)

Perhaps this ridiculous conceptual conceit might have been sustainable if we had anything to latch onto with these characters and story. We get the deaf daughter protagonist, Stanley Tucci the meek but kind father, bro, ma, g’ma and the “cool” uncle. There isn’t much that you are given with any of them to form a meaningful connection. Despite her being the worst person in this “sounds mean death” world, the family training with sign language gives them the leg up. Whoopdeedoo. But as opposed to the Birdbox or AQP individuals in which we are drawn into their personal journey and struggles, the Silence cast are just vehicles for things to happen to. By the end, I was kind of cheering for them to be disposed of.

So you have made it through ⅔ of this mostly uninteresting and credulity straining end-of-the-world nonsense and then another brain-jarringly whackadoo element is thrown in: a self-mutilating Rapture rape cult. Mind you, the Great Fapping End Times began, generous estimation, a WEEK AGO. Despite that, with our protagonists not having to have worried about food or shelter or running water (I mean, hell, the wifi is still working ffs - a whole nother issue…), they are thrust into a murder dance with these nutters who not only have had the idea to form a cult, have done so, amassed more followers, cut out their tongues, those mutilations have healed, and they are looking for “breeding stock”; all taking place in, I will be more generous, a month. Really? Not only is their existence fully asinine, the conflict too dumb to categorize, but there isn’t really even any point. There hasn’t been a consistent or meaningful Rapture/repent/Christian apocalyptic reference up to this point to round out this cult’s symbolism or plot rhetoric. Someone decided, in some form of this script/story, that this should be a final showdown element and everyone just gave it the heave-ho go ahead. Unconscionable.

I could go further into the ludicrous “love” plot (first hold hand but plan to travel hundreds of death infested miles to reunite), the continuation of societal convenience (in this world New York’s bones are picked clean but everyone’s iPads can still get CNN broadcasts), or their complete disregard for her hearing disability being able to provide any drama or plot dynamism, but what’s the point. You don’t need to see this film. It isn’t good. But, if you don’t trust my opinion and feel compelled to get Silenced, PUT ON SUBTITLES ONCE THE SH*T HITS THE FAN. They are vital, unlike the film as a whole.