9/13/18 - The Predator (2018) 3-/10

I had a hard time finding something to say about this one. It is pretty vacant in so many ways. Not without some modicum of fun and frivolity, but it has a hard time getting out of its way at accomplishing any drama, comedy, or action. The in jokes, jibes, and pointed pokes have moments of real levity but often at the expense of any kind of tonal sense. Yes, this is a Predator film because it has a Predator, but it felt more like a joke homage about Predator films than an earnest & violent killer Predator flick. This is the film 2 high school buddies might smoke a J and scribble down on a lazy Friday night in 1990. Unfortunately, it didn’t evolve or tone down its shitty ideas and unsavory sense of humor.

Logic is in short supply and the plot jumps from necessity to eventuality. I don’t expect layered Nolan sharpness, but fast and loose is the minimum level that it plays at.

It’s obvious to compare this against Predators. And though this tries and vaguely succeeds at being pleasant its predecessor accomplishes more and feels closer to the original. A further deepening of the mythology with characters that have a point and logic to them. Predators, despite its flaws, is still plenty watchable. This struggles and not being shitty all the time.

Munn can do everything and nothing, knows too much, but is serving no purpose but to get from one plot contrivance to the next. It is a big waste for her. Similarly is Sterling, who is an enjoyable antagonist but he flits in and out on whim of the story. His scenery is chewed to a tasty degree, but it never goes anywhere.

The crew are ridiculous and mostly paper thin, but Rhodes does a decent job. Not that he can save it in any way, but I didn’t despise his every moment on screen at least. Our protagonist is lifeless and uninteresting.

Here’s a question: the entirety of the film is based on internal Predator politics. Why would the rogue agent do what he does? And how would the green serum that means so much for 80% of the film, end up playing no significant role and has zero to do with the ultimate goal?

Blah. Remembering this flick does nothing but fill me with an emptiness. Sterling K. Brown’s excited high-and-mighty-but-come-to-nothing, especially with his worthless “did you catch that?” end….The dogs and their “lobotomies make a man’s best friend” bs… The final “battle suit” end (Did you hear about their desire to bring Ripley from Aliens in at the end of this movie. Shake my head.. bozos) with Tremblay, the smartest person on the planet…Ugh. It was like pulling teeth to get this many thoughts collected about this waste. I can’t think of anything that would make any fan or unincorporated cinema goer take up the reigns of this behemoth of bland.